Monday, 14th August, 2000

The last two weeks have been hard. They have been filled with dialogue via email with a number of fellow pastors in the LCA--two who know my decision and three who do not. I have been watching the LCAi discussion list on the net again, and there is nothing that gives me joy.

Main events in the last fortnight was meeting meeting on Friday night a week ago with the elder who wants an elders meeting to discuss what is on my mind. He wanted the meeting before I went away, but we could not find the time. I had to drop in to see him about something else, so I got onto telling him my fears about our Synodical process as a means of doctrinal teaching. He concurred with my conclusions for the most part, and although I did not tell him what my final conclusion was, I think he knows. He said that I have three choices: either I get out, or I put blinkers on, or I try to change to system. Neither of us could accept the second solution, and I told him that I did not think it was possible to change the system; that leaves “get out”. We didn’t go into that, but I think he knows what my choice would be. He himself converted from RC to Lutheran--not because he was ever disloyal to the Catholic Church, but rather because pre-marriage discussions with his wife led him to believe that being Lutheran was better.

Then last Friday night, P. invited me around for a drink after the Ministry to Adolescents Program (Confirmation lessons) and we talked about the reactions of a few of the pastors of the LCA. We also had look at the Apology to the Augsburg Confession articles VII and VIII and concluded that it was a very thin and inadequate ecclesiology.

I have felt quite despondent in the last few weeks. Above all, to be able to do this job, you have to believe in it.